told from jessica's pov: what are they doing?
he's been studying the atlas.
he traces out the shape of wyoming on your palm with a red sharpie - red is for arteries, not veins, and they branch out of the heart. this way you hold it in the center of your palm, he says triumphantly like it's a revelation but you're left wondering, why wyoming? why not tokyo, new york, paris? he says, reading your mind, what is tokyo shaped like?
you curl up your hand too fast and some of the red comes off on your fingers. you touch your blood-stained fingers to his face and press them there.
i hope you know, i'm from california, you let him know. i'm not a small town girl with big dreams, more the other way around.
so you're a big city girl with small dreams? the teasing grin is infuriating.
so you're a big boy with a small penis?
you want to find out? but immediately, immediately afterwards, his face blooms crimson. he's new to this game, too, it tells you, and you want to safekeep this knowledge for years later when you're both too jaded to be shy.
suddenly you're thinking in terms of years. what is he doing to you?
the american in you tells you it's okay to marry late and sprout love handles and ask guys out on dates. the korean side slaps away the hand reaching for the last fry before heechul takes it. you're torn - you're what modern-day asian american anthropology classes are modeled after, really - but you let him take the last ten calories. he looks like he need them.
funny thing, donghae said the same thing about you. i want my blushing bride to be plump; how else will she bear my children?
and suddenly every nerve in your body was aware of how only one of those things applied to you. you are not plump, nor are you his bride.
you've never thought about having children until this moment.
after you start sleeping together you stop sleeping. he's attentive up until the last thrust and then seconds later, snoring with his head on your shoulder while you lie awake, curiously empty and raw. you think about the feel of him inside you, probing, like it means something to be connected, however briefly.