downroad (downroad) wrote,


yeah, they're good-looking kids.

You say, “I think I have a crush,” and he says, “Yeah, Lee Donghae’s a good-looking kid, but I don’t know if he’s interested in pussy.” Lips spread wide, his mouth could swallow your face. You elbow him hard, and he tumbles backwards. When he recovers, he’s holding you around the waist, and slowly, you feel the ice melting.

“I’ve got enough competition from the other girls—I don’t need it from you,” You tell him on another occasion, at the salon, waiting for your nails to dry. He’s doing something elaborate with his hair, dying it red again, getting it curled.

“You know I’m prettier,” he says to your reflection. He pulls your chair over, and you almost slide your pinky nail against one of the arms. You sulk through his apologies, but later, when you think through images of the day, his hands brought together in prayer before his face, the sorry grin, were pretty cute.

He chooses to tell you because you’re American, and they’re supposed to be more open over there, free country and all that jazz, right? “Sometimes I look at him, and it’s like, I can’t bring myself to look away. Do you ever get like that?”

You nod. All the time.

“I’ll kill you if you tell,” he says, the fear genuine in his eyes. You feel empowered, and then annoyed. The second one is harder to explain.

You start watching the Chinese guy more closely after that. He’s really not that great-looking.

He’s the one who finds you on the floor of the bathroom, your lunch on your shirt. “Oh God, what is that smell—oh.”

He wipes off some of the puke with the edge of his sleeve, and it’s the sweater his sister got him last Christmas. You’re crying and coughing and your stomach burns as much as your throat. You’re humiliated and terrified, but he just holds you and holds you.

“Don’t worry,” he tells you later. “Americans are supposed to be fat.”

You punch him where it hurts, and he makes a big show of limping the rest of the day.

Donghae thinks it’s a good idea to take selca of the two of you making out. There’s something in the idea of exhibitionism that gets you giddy, and you swap spit in front of the camera. You’re both red and breathless afterwards, but it’s nothing you haven’t done before, in the quiet of his room.

Heechul’s thoughtful when he inspects the photos on your computer. “So low-res, I can’t even tell how good your technique is.”

“Why don’t you find out?” You tease with a finger waggle.

He tears away from the screen to look at you, and you stop smiling. “Are you serious?” He asks, eyes big and watching.

You swallow. His hand is at the nape of your neck, pressing.

He kisses you like he’s afraid. It’s not what you expect, but it’s not worse, either.

Backstage just before a performance. He’s been gaining weight, and you’ve been losing, a lot of it. You think you look good these days, except for the sunken eyes and the sallow complexion, but you know, part and parcel of the job. Everyone’s been complimenting you on the tightness of your thighs, your ever-shrinking waist. You credit them to your mother, with a modest blush.



“Looking more like a man,” you say with a grin.

“I was about to say the same thing,” he shoots back and dodges your small fist.

He hugs you for so long you’re afraid he’s broken, or trying to break you, or both, or neither. You want to say something about the lawsuit; you want to be the one it’s okay to confess to. He doesn’t, though, and you realize, that makes more sense.
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I liked this. I liked it enough to read your other pieces. A lot of showing, not telling, and an eye for moments that might have happened. I also like how you noted that just because Amber and Victoria might not be close, even though they both speak Chinese. You also seem to be playing a lot with boundaries, and 'what if' moments, which is enjoyable.
thank you a lot for this. i'm flattered you took the time to read the others. and ah, yes, i guess i do! for some reason when i think about girls in kpop, especially the foreign ones, it's almost impossible to divorce them from their roots. i think that may be credited to my ignorance of korean culture as compared to that of the US.
Hello! I recced this on my journal (:
omg, thank you! ♥
i clearly love the writing in this. and i was never big on the jessica/heechul pairing (though i really love their friendship. well, any friendship that heechul has with girls) but you make it work. you make it work by writing heechul as a guy and growing into his guy parts and jessica being jessica and american and omg i love how you wrote heechul assuming how everything she does is because she's american.
thank you :) i imagine heechul to be the sort of person who is open-minded about other cultures while at the same time failing to understand them... something like that, haha. i'm glad you liked this ♥
omaigawd i ship heesica :> this is love :D
glad you liked it :)
Awww...this is so heartbreakingly beautiful ♥
you're too kind! ♥
I ended up reading your other two fics even though I've no interest in SNSD. And all I can say is I really like your style. It's all sweet and subtle and yet kind of real. Hah, my language skills fail. But anyway, I'll be watching for any new work of yours. ;)
thank you so much :) it means a lot ♥
what everyone else said basically.


i love this. ♥
you're so sweet! ; ;

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For some reason HeeSica strike me as very similar, both kind of ... temperamental/prickly? (There's a word I'm looking for, possibly starting with "a," but I can't remember it x_x) and that's why I like writing them together, I guess. they're both strangely vulnerable?
Beautiful. Indications here and there, I really love it.

I really like their sarcasm, their interaction. This is a mature writing, not for the languages, but for the story itself: so well thought off. People who read this can get the feel of Heesica. Your choices of vocabulary are also interesting and the dark theme itself fits Heesica the best. I'm sad that you won't be writing Heesica fanfic again. It's so hard to find good Heesica fic. I was lucky enough to find your "The Tower" fanfic, but I'm not sure whether I can find other Heesica fanfic as good as yours.
This is some kind of perfect. ♥
I can't even. HeeSica is love<3